Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Dark Haired Woman with Boys and Girl on Couch

This is a photo contribution from Viruswitch!

Sar's Story
The world of martial arts was rocked to its very core by the shocking discovery that that Stevie Nicks was among the original influences that that inspired the infamous Karate Kid stance after this photo mysteriously resurfaced.

Viruswitch's Story
The nameless secret society had been brought to life by mankind's most important necessity: to combat all evil. Evil nowadays had many odd ways of manifesting itself as invisible spirits that hovered in and out the ether, becoming visible only when nobody was looking. The rare ones who saw them were confined in a great building called "Irrenhause" obliged to contribute to the nameless secret society searching endlessly for a way to dispell them. Everything seemed hopeless until one day Frollo, Esmeralda, Quasi, Jasmine and Alex had finally found the greatest weapon of all times. Laughing out loud long enough would dispell their fears. And when their fears were gone all enemies were crashed under their own absense of gravity. The trick worked for them but unfortunately got lost and forgotten.

Mushroom's Story
The dormies thought they were getting quite the deal when they hired Madame Medusa to strip at their frat party. Unfortunately the only Greek history they knew was the name of their frat, Iota Tau Kappa, and even then they kept calling "I Tappa Kegga". The dormies took their places around the common room to watch Madame Medusa bump and grind... and after some lustful thrusts and clangs of her zilds, she turned them all into an oil painting. It was the tamest party the ITKs had ever seen, and when the Omega Mu sorority moved into the seemingly-empty already-furnished dorm building two weeks later they kept some of the pictures up in the common room like they were those paintings of dogs playing poker, and threw out the gaudy ones.

Jamie Dawn's Story
They were watching the winter olympics when suddenly Disney's Aladdin came on. Jasmine flew out of the television. They were so thrilled except for the geeky one in the middle. Jasmine had come to take her home. She was Jasmine's sister and had been pretending to be a guy for nearly two months. Why? Nobody knows.

Oomelasha Kumar's Story
I watch you coming in the like an angle in a blue beauty..... My Beauty with a Indian dressing..... I see you with a laugh and I see you with delight..... O god you are my beauty in all my life... I See you with pride, want to dace with you in same delight.....I love you with all my life......

My Story
Lucy didn't think there would be any harm in signing up as part of the test audience for the new interactive cable system, and perhaps there wasn't. The cute boys in the beach scene popped out of the television and joined her on the couch, including her in their conversation, and - she was not entirely certain of this - the one casting furtive glances at her legs whenever she set eyes on the other. But the boys sat back and became politely silent as the infomercial sprang into the center of the room. It was a pretty witch who turned to Lucy smiling and exuding spells from her fingertips. She spoke in a steady, entrancing voice compelling Lucy to think of Ajax Detergent and how magically it cleansed, the idea billowing into her brain like an expanding soap bubble. She was ready to stand up and dash to the supermarket to buy a year's supply of Ajax when suddenly, without warning, the boys, the witch, and the entire program were preempted by a football game stumbling into the room.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Guy Stapling Girl's Mouth

The Taorist's Story
Khimerinaush: "Will you still love me for the rest of my life?"

Lactoscious: "Coz I can't go on...Coz I can't go on..."

K: You know the song eh?

L: Yes. My beautiful girl.

K: I'm a man.

L: Yes. My beautiful man.

K: ...

L: You must be wondering.

K: ...

L: I was born with this contagious disease. It's called stapler-on-your-nose-is.

K: ...

L: You get this by holding the mid portion. It's a lifelong thing.

K: ...

L: Will YOU still love me even with this thing on my nose?

K: ...

L: How will you kiss me? Will you be embarrased to have me around?

K: ...(He touches it in the mid portion)

L: ...(Surprised)

K: ...(He then brushes his infected hands on his nose)

L: I love you too.

Mushroom's Story
Pedro finally found a way to fulfill two dreams: hers of having facial piercings, his of her not talking incessantly. Unfortunately the dream fell apart when she muttered nonstop about the lackluster Swingline 'jewelry'.

Jamie Dawn's Story
It's all the rage! The new staple challenge is replacing that horrible choking game that kids keep doing.
Gwen said she was willing to play if Kevin would.
"I'm willing to let you staple me three times."
Kevin agreed to allow her to staple him three times in return.
Kevin stapled her left eyebrow, her little love handle, and her upper lip.
Gwen didn't even flinch, but Kevin did when Gwen asked him to drop his pants.

Doug's Story
OK, calling her "99" was cute and the "would you believe..." jokes were funny sometimes but if he asks her to speak into more standard household/office/commercial-object phone she was going to go KAOS on him big-time.

Still Life's Story
She: (nervous giggle) are you sure? Do you promise that there are not any staples inside of there...

He: I PROMISE, it's just for the video. Hold still.

Sar's Story
Pouncing on the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, James was more than willing to assist his incessant babbling girlfriend Heather achieve her dream of swollen Angelina Jolie lips.

Miles to Go's Story
"Q" this combination stapler, flashlight and tongue depressor can diagnose her problems, yes! But is there another option to sew up her wounded words? This stapler is a bit crude!"

"I am disappointed and confused that you only see the obvious Jaime! I am man of nuance. Turn it sideways and you'll see the beautiful mechanism that allows you to dial in the appropriate stitches. Turn it on and truncate the embarrassing and life threatening sentences. For instance:

This girl's many variations of communication can make it very difficult for you in the field. For capturing and returning errant sentences before ear shot, I recommend the Catchstitch as it is lightning quick and also a strong and capable stitch. Then again for hemming and hawing I recommend the Hemming stitch for those moments of indecision. It really prods for her to use the declarative sentence. To pre-empt the tawdry word from slipping out her mouth -use the Slip stitch. This stitch is wonderful for those discreet moments and it is very effective during that tense emotional situation where quiet is necessary. If "running at the mouth" is a concern-the Running stitch seamlessly gathers and fastens a diatribe very quickly. Finally for that overwhelming and boring monologue – Over sewing stitch is the best way to neaten the raw edges of mouth so you actually can hear the important things in her message."

Clublint's Story
She wanted to touch the tip of her tongue to the end of her nose.

He told her this was the best way.

She believed him.

G.D.'s Story
i knew some day, some man would make those.

bloody bastards...

My Story
As the darkness reached its midnight crescendo she sauntered over to him, her wants, her needs driving her. He'd stood there in a giddy daze following the creative exertion, spiritually spent, without a single thought of her, but her shuffling feet alerted him, drew him to awareness after the long weeks of tinkering. The sight of her brought memory. He drew the loaded stapler from his pocket and turned to meet her looking up at him. Amazing how inductive she was, that she knew to come to him. Fortunately it was dark and no one would see. What an odd sight to explain, if anyone did happen to catch a glimpse. The stapler neared her lips and she felt - if she could be assumed to feel anything - a metallic ecstasy. That girl he'd made out of paper clips and plasticine had an insatiable appetite for staples.

Friday, February 10, 2006

View to a Guy through Fingers Forming a Heart

Doug's Story
How could he have forgotten me? It was the most important drink of my life and he acts like he didn't even pour it. Who is this man? This man without a name? I have to know. I'll follow him everywhere. I'll know his heart. Know who he knows. Know his name and age and language. Someday, when I find a camera, I'll take pictures just...like...this.

Mushroom's Story
It was a slow day at the park for Bob. He was sitting on that park bench, crushing people's heads between his fingers, but it didn't seem to have the usual thrill after awhile. From another bench came Gina, who came up to Bob and said, "I know what you're doing, and you're on MY turf."
Bob feigned confusion. "Who are you, and what do you think I am doing?"
Gina leaned into his face and said, "I am Gina, and this is MY park to crush heads in!"
Bob said, "I'm Bob, and I've been coming here for months, so it's my park. So you crush heads too?"
Gina sneered, "Don't make me have to crush YOUR head, again. It's MY park."
Just then Bob caught sight of a young man who was dozing off on another bench and he said, "Okay, Gina, there's only one way we can settle this. See that kid? Let's see who can crush his head the most."
She looked over and raised her hands, "He's MINE!" In one heart-shaped motion both thumb-and-forefinger forceps gripped the kid's head.
"Not so fast," he replied and secured the kid's head between his right thumb and forefinger, and began crushing.
They both sweated and groaned, crushing and crushing until they both were breaking a sweat, and the boy nonchalently rose and walked off.
Winded, Gina sat down next to Bob and said, "Damn, you're quite the adversary."
Bob caught his breath and said, "I've never met a woman like you, Gina... would you like to go to that cafe around the corner? We can take turns crushing heads."
Gina smiled and said, "I get the first one."

[Cultural reference: The Kids In The Hall's "Head Crusher" character.]

Still Life's Story
It was the beginning stages when infatuation was sweet. When her heart drummed wildly at the thought of seeing him, whenever the phone rang or she pictured his smile.
It was at least six months before love broke down, before she lost interest and Saturday nights were just another night at the movies with a small popcorn. It was before his jokes fell flat and the sound of the laugh brought irritation.
Right now it was the beginning stages when infatuation was sweet and when she looked at him all she saw was love.

Viruswitch's Story
I tried to love him again and again. I looked at him from the front, from behind and from the side. But in vain. Maybe if I draw the right spell around his form, I will hypnotize myself...

Joe King's Story
With a squeal, she bounced up behind me, stretched out her arms, and pressed her fingers together into a crude heart. She was giggling, my balding head tingling. "You know you love him!" she hissed into my left ear, breaking the heart and falling back, laughing. I jerked around and shushed her, but she was too far gone. Her eyes were glossy and her cheeks all tomato. My aluminum lawnchair creaked, chilled from the brisk morning, and I took another swig of Bud. Play it cool. Play it macho. He's your damn brother-in-law. Other men, other men. Many other men. He's your in-law.

He turned, looking over my head, snorting and shaking his head as he dried off the bottle with a flap of his jacket. "What's their problem?" he asked, cracking open a bottle bare-handed. I cleared my throat and shifted again, willing my cheeks not to redden.

My Story
Caledonia was one of those girls who made strong demands on her lovers. They had to look nerdy when they pointed those two staring eyes at her. Her body always made eyes stare. She liked their heads to be decorated with a baseball cap, and the back of the neck shaven just the day before, so she could run her fingertips against the prickly fuzz that sprouted there. They must have a timid disposition, for it was her habit to sneak up on them and pounce, usually while their thoughts wandered - she loved the startled reaction. They must be all thumbs and thin-lipped because, honestly, what girl could resist the feel of thumbs all over her? Or thin lips exploring her? The moment she spotted a specimen, the perfection of all her desires, she knew. She held her fingers in the shape of a heart and peered through at him, her way of symbolically declaring him fair game. But it wouldn't last long. After the first few hours the sterility of perfection always began to bore her.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Boy and Girl on Route 66

Doug's Story
Lightforce and Bob waited, dreaming of their ironic retro wedding. They're still waiting. Route 66 doesn't go to Funkytown.

Mushroom's Story
Their love went from Missouri down to St. Louis, and in Oklahoma City it looked so pretty. But somewhere between Barstow and San Bernadino it hit the asphalt. They got their kicks on Route 66, but when it was no longer an endless road for them they took their exits.

(Oh, and you, miss, in the picture? Get hip to this kindly tip, and take that Washington trip... I-5 ain't so bad this time of year, but I am.)

Little Bar of Soap's Story
Alice and Steve were filthy fornicators, just one 6 short of complete surrender to Satan.

The Taorist's Story
They are the new members of the suicide ganagbang parade of 1967.

They choose to die lying in the sun.

But they get hit by a mack truck instead.

April Girl's Story
The road is long, and time is short.
But together, we will make it.

Joe King's Story
...a couple prone on the highway, smiling stupidly as he approached...

He looked at her, his chalk-white teeth dull against the midday sun, and put his hand in hers. With her free hand, she wiped her eye, for a moment nearly losing her balance. The fast-approaching vehicle a glistening teardrop in the distance, she gripped her hand in his and forced a smile, her mouth suddenly dry. Just another moment, just one more.

My Story
Roger cruised down Route 66 in his 1967 T-Bird. The motor was music of driving days gone by. The wind shaved past him. The sun on the open road seduced him into ever higher speeds. The landscape whizzed by in a frenzied blur. He was free. But something looked wrong: a blockade in the road ahead. As this loomed larger he saw it was a couple prone on the highway, smiling stupidly as he approached. How dare they!? No way would he stop. He accelerated right into them. No one would ever know he'd done it. Seconds later he was too far ahead on the deserted stretch of road to look back. There hadn't even been a bump. "Oh, wow," he thought to himself, marveling at the surreality of it. Then he saw it again, the blockade that resolved itself into the boy and girl directly before his approaching vehicle. All the while they grinned, as if inviting him to rocket into them. He tried to force the gas pedal through the floor, to get that one spurt of acceleration to bring him over the edge - into what? Now they appeared on every horizon the instant he hurdled into them. He rammed them again and again crazy with the thought of ultimate triumph, sending them into a death from which they could not return. But they always returned. Smiling at him. Laughing. The adrenalin soaked into his psyche until the sweat and the tension caused him to tremble. Then the light flashed "Game Over" and everything stopped.


He turned to leave the booth, then walked enthusiastically to the owner of the establishment.

"That was so cool, especially how those ghosts kept popping up. Really cool."

The proprietor looked at him strangely. "Ghosts? There are no ghosts. You just drive."