Monday, February 27, 2006

Guy Stapling Girl's Mouth

The Taorist's Story
Khimerinaush: "Will you still love me for the rest of my life?"

Lactoscious: "Coz I can't go on...Coz I can't go on..."

K: You know the song eh?

L: Yes. My beautiful girl.

K: I'm a man.

L: Yes. My beautiful man.

K: ...

L: You must be wondering.

K: ...

L: I was born with this contagious disease. It's called stapler-on-your-nose-is.

K: ...

L: You get this by holding the mid portion. It's a lifelong thing.

K: ...

L: Will YOU still love me even with this thing on my nose?

K: ...

L: How will you kiss me? Will you be embarrased to have me around?

K: ...(He touches it in the mid portion)

L: ...(Surprised)

K: ...(He then brushes his infected hands on his nose)

L: I love you too.

Mushroom's Story
Pedro finally found a way to fulfill two dreams: hers of having facial piercings, his of her not talking incessantly. Unfortunately the dream fell apart when she muttered nonstop about the lackluster Swingline 'jewelry'.

Jamie Dawn's Story
It's all the rage! The new staple challenge is replacing that horrible choking game that kids keep doing.
Gwen said she was willing to play if Kevin would.
"I'm willing to let you staple me three times."
Kevin agreed to allow her to staple him three times in return.
Kevin stapled her left eyebrow, her little love handle, and her upper lip.
Gwen didn't even flinch, but Kevin did when Gwen asked him to drop his pants.

Doug's Story
OK, calling her "99" was cute and the "would you believe..." jokes were funny sometimes but if he asks her to speak into more standard household/office/commercial-object phone she was going to go KAOS on him big-time.

Still Life's Story
She: (nervous giggle) are you sure? Do you promise that there are not any staples inside of there...

He: I PROMISE, it's just for the video. Hold still.

Sar's Story
Pouncing on the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, James was more than willing to assist his incessant babbling girlfriend Heather achieve her dream of swollen Angelina Jolie lips.

Miles to Go's Story
"Q" this combination stapler, flashlight and tongue depressor can diagnose her problems, yes! But is there another option to sew up her wounded words? This stapler is a bit crude!"

"I am disappointed and confused that you only see the obvious Jaime! I am man of nuance. Turn it sideways and you'll see the beautiful mechanism that allows you to dial in the appropriate stitches. Turn it on and truncate the embarrassing and life threatening sentences. For instance:

This girl's many variations of communication can make it very difficult for you in the field. For capturing and returning errant sentences before ear shot, I recommend the Catchstitch as it is lightning quick and also a strong and capable stitch. Then again for hemming and hawing I recommend the Hemming stitch for those moments of indecision. It really prods for her to use the declarative sentence. To pre-empt the tawdry word from slipping out her mouth -use the Slip stitch. This stitch is wonderful for those discreet moments and it is very effective during that tense emotional situation where quiet is necessary. If "running at the mouth" is a concern-the Running stitch seamlessly gathers and fastens a diatribe very quickly. Finally for that overwhelming and boring monologue – Over sewing stitch is the best way to neaten the raw edges of mouth so you actually can hear the important things in her message."

Clublint's Story
She wanted to touch the tip of her tongue to the end of her nose.

He told her this was the best way.

She believed him.

G.D.'s Story
i knew some day, some man would make those.

bloody bastards...

My Story
As the darkness reached its midnight crescendo she sauntered over to him, her wants, her needs driving her. He'd stood there in a giddy daze following the creative exertion, spiritually spent, without a single thought of her, but her shuffling feet alerted him, drew him to awareness after the long weeks of tinkering. The sight of her brought memory. He drew the loaded stapler from his pocket and turned to meet her looking up at him. Amazing how inductive she was, that she knew to come to him. Fortunately it was dark and no one would see. What an odd sight to explain, if anyone did happen to catch a glimpse. The stapler neared her lips and she felt - if she could be assumed to feel anything - a metallic ecstasy. That girl he'd made out of paper clips and plasticine had an insatiable appetite for staples.


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