Sunday, June 19, 2005

Rehearsing a Play

Doug's Story
Mark explained to Lugubria, "It says here that we should throw the rope over something directly overhead and fix to something solid, do you think the chairleg?"

She answered, "I don't care, hurry up, the lecture starts in twenty minutes."

A Little Bar of Soap's Story
Jennifer stood on the chair, waiting for Ms. Meyers to hand her the flyer for posting. "Why does Ms. Meyers have such a mannish haircut?" wondered Jennifer.

Ms. Meyers nearly lost her balance handing the flyer up to Jenn. "Why, Jenn dresses like a little punk boy!" thought Ms. Meyers to herself.

Jennifer and Ms. Meyers were busily preparing the 5-6 year olds Sunday School room for tomorrow's class. They'd been planning this class for months. It's on women in the Bible. They will start with Eve and go all the way through Mary Magdalene. One hour will not be enough time.

Perhaps later they'll pray about it.

Mushroom's Story
Joshua (as George) and Jesamin (as Emily) were rattling through their lines, three days before dress rehearsal of the community theatre's production of Our Town, and Josh tried his best for sincerity as he crooned, "I guess new people aren't any better than old ones" and began the pledge of love to Emily. Jesamin had to break character as though it were a moral imperative, and said over Josh's head to the director, "Ya know, this would be so much more authentic and a little safer if the custodian would let us use the building's ladders! These elementary school chairs are going to give way under our weight and then they'll be sorry!"

Dog Face Girl's Story
Both Jennifer and Ms. Meyers felt a gust of the Holy Wind and the Spirit overtook them, causing them to fall upon each other as they rolled and flailed limbs in gesticulations of praise until they were intertwined and tied together yet they continued to roll and shout the name of God. Then all grew quiet and eerily calm as they stared into one another's eyes and slowly and passionately kissed.And that's why Jenn dressed like a little punk boy!

Monster Spank's Story
As the leader of the free world, she was given the privilege of standing in any chair she wished. today, she chose this particular four-legged implement because it went well with her parliamentary hairstyle. Meanwhile, the one-legged man was explaining why oatmeal should be given higher subsidies even if the French whined.

My Story
"You're still not getting it!" the director hurled at his rehearsing players.

"What did we do wrong this time?" the boy pondered.
"Are we to play it in mime?" the girl wondered.

The director sighed. "I'll repeat it again if you're lost: This is Theater of the Absurd. You must avoid meaning at every cost."

"You gave us Shakespeare to read," said she, "and told us to use the soliloquy."

"We have no budget for modern scripts, and these may be used without royalty. I ask only that you state the reverse of what you read, so that we might add absurdity. Begin again, please, at the scene where Hamlet confronts Juliet."

Hamlet: Anarchy or decadence? Answer thou this question.
Juliet: O Romeo, Romeo, there art thou!
Hamlet: 'Tis better to have pleasure by slings and cuffs, than watch the Wheel of Fortune.
Juliet: Deny thy father came thus to me? Oh what was his name? I dared not refuse him. But it was not love, I swear it.
Hamlet: I'll take his wooden arms and trouble him to spring in the sea to his unopposed end.
Juliet: I have some capsules I long to take. 'Tis said one forgets one's own name.
Hamlet: To sleep, to sleep with thee evermore, by sleep mean I that pleasure of a thousand throbbings of the flesh. Ah, thy natural hair!
Juliet: Take thou thyself, through masturbation. Wilt thou masturbate?
Hamlet: 'Tis a consummation devoutly to avoid.
Juliet: With thy hand afoot, no arm nor face of mine thou need. Or belong to a man, a name of thy choosing.
Hamlet: To sleep with thee, perchance was but a dream: may that thou would rub me.
Juliet: To thee 'tis all the same. Take my friend Rose. She smells as sweet as I.

"No! No! No!" the director lamented loudly, throwing his arms in the air.

"What's wrong now?" the boy and girl asked as one.

"It's good," the director told them, catching his falling arms, "but it's making too much sense. Let's go instead with a new concept. Girl, you be Othello, and boy, you play Little Richard. Stagehand! Bring out the piano and the horse."

"This is absurd!! Of concepts completely unheard!!" the boy and girl responded in verse.

"Act!" barked the director, "Art must not be deterred!"

Tan Lucy Pez's Continuation
But John entered and said, "To teach thee, I am naked first; why then what needst thou have more covering than a man?"

Willian followed him in and said, "Love to faults is always blind...."

The director sighed with joy.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Girls Walking in the Night

Mushroom's Story
It was a fantabulous night for a moondance, and Gloria was in the groove. The wet sandy sidewalk was like dancing on the beach, if one used their imagination, so she sashayed and shimmied to her heart's content. Selma tried to retrieve her before she got hit by a car or netted by the guys in the white coats, but Gloria was an unstoppable force. And once the next song started, Gloria shrugged her shoulders and gave into the dance herself.

Monster Spank's Story
where's my slippers? WHERE'S MY GODDAMNED SLIPPERS!!!!! will somebody tell me where the fuck my slippers are! they just cant walk away by themselves could they, so w-h-e-r-e t-h-e h-e-l-l a-r-e m-y s-l-i-p-p-e-r-s !!!!!!!!!! will somebody TELL ME WHERE the fuck THEY ARE!!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY SLIPPERS!

their in my ass, knucklehead girl.

Alix's Story
thousands of people world wide were in need. and these college kids, full of the verve and impulsivity inherent in young scholars out to change the world, were going to make a difference.

volunteers aplenty manned the registration area, taking down the necessary information and assigning each contributor a number and an ID bracelet. the day ground down to night, but still, the kids kept coming. they were making a difference!

pallets of disinfectant and medical supplies sat outside the surgical suites, and nurses, anesthetists and doctors rotated short shifts to stay fresh. you could smell the jubilance and sterility in the air.

candy, full of the giving spirit, walked up to the banner flapping in the night's breeze: "lend a hand, it's only fingers!" a released donor stepped up to candy, who looked a little queasy. "don't worry, you've still got thumbs. it won't make a difference."

she wasn't quite sure what he meant.

My Story
The girls threw off their shoes and became barefoot zombies. Each footfall drew them further into the perpetual hypnosis of their self-sustaining gait, and they marched, one after the other, a single direction, a single purpose, a single soul. In a dislocated room, mind's eye focused on the phenomenon, sat an aged conjurer in the center of the force, summoning the bodies to him. He uttered the syllables scribbled onto the parchmented scroll, little knowing that he was as much a marionette as the girls had been made so by his repetition of the eternal desirous chant. "Tat-chin-tan-am," he repeated in the ancient Sanskrit syllables, "I want you, that which I have lost." On the scroll was the sketch of a feminine form, rendered erotic by its vagueness. The suggestive lines were to his fertile imagination the seminal source of any and every girl in her years of sexual awakening. He took those lines and wove them into visions of baseness, wrapped them around his ravenous yearnings. Their youth became his youth. When the girls arrived, they did not like how he had ravished them in his waking trance. Without a thought or word, they lined up to slap his face.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Family at Grand Canyon

Mushroom's Story
The trip down the waterfall wasn't that harsh, it just seemed frightening at the time. But speaking of time, they had landed in another one. The landscape was rugged and beautiful, in a way that no Homo sapiens sapiens had ever witnessed before because that species hadn't yet been born. This was a lost land that they could call their own.

As prehistoric as it seemed, they didn't have to worry about dinosaurs here, but they did have invisible cats. Huge invisible cats. Or they seemed like cats (they're invisible so it was difficult to say what sort of beast they really were), because they were soft and furry and when stroked they'd purr. Will and Holly had brought their cameras on the trip, and tried to get pictures of their party with the beasts up on the basalt columns they called the Sleestacks, which overlooked what they named rather ironically Dinky Valley. They realized the cats were invisible but at least people could see in the photos that something was there being petted. This didn't convince anyone back home.

Will, Holly, and Marshall made it out of the there by following the river back upstream. The fourth member of the party, Courtney, decided she liked the giant strawberries that grew there and wanted to stay, which lead to her demise -- one of the giant invisible herbivorous cats mistook her (in her favorite red-and-white shirt) for a picnic blanket and had her for lunch. While it was a tragic loss, the photos Will & Holly took of the cat after lunch, engorged with very much visible Courtney chunks and bits of her favorite shirt, did change the minds of their friends and family.

The Alien Guy's Story
These guys were the first Earth visitors to our planet of Shiznit. They had just recently seen a movie called Star Wars and wanted to come up here. But that female Earthling sure fussed a lot! That's why the guy carried the lunch -- he knew that she wouldn't push him off the precipice because they wouldn't have anything to eat later. The younger Earthling wanted to leap and traverse the crevasse to the other rock and get to the berry bush. Those young humans are obsessed with eating! The female in the foreground kept making that hand gesture, or maybe I should say she gesticulated with her hand as if it was a remote control that could tether the others to her will! I was sure glad to see that bunch of sight-seers go!

Jamie Dawn's Story
Keith and Taylor knew that if they didn't obey Jamie Dawn, the powerful Queen over all that moves and breathes, that she would make them become slaves in the mines.
She had commanded them to climb down the steep rocks and pick her some succulent berries. If they succeeded and made it back by sundown, they could serve as foot washers and back massagers in her palace.
They began to plan as to how they could successfully complete the task as she taunted them mercilessly. "No one has ever succeeded, you wretched, worthless mules! You will die like all the others."
For a brief moment, her body guards were distracted by a mountain lion and moved to deal with it. Keith and Taylor grabbed Queen Jamie Dawn and threw her off the edge to her death.
Shocked, the guards did nothing. Then, after a brief moment, they began to celebrate, for they knew now that the kind and lovely Princess Courtney would take the throne.

Ariel's Story
not only did Paul teach history in the local high school, he was a fan of the antiquity. the nation achieved his absolute and exclusive respect was the Spartans. every five year his family gathered the children Anna gave birth to, and went to their own Taygetos in the Grand Canyon to throw the small ones that were bad, ate the ice cream of their siblings, never went to bed in a proper time, stole the lipstick of their mom to draw ugly cats on the hall's clean wall, still pissed in bed or cried too much down with the help of the bigger children. they took sandwiches and cameras and they usually usually had a good time.

Doug's Story
"I think I can see the carkeys!"
"That can't be them, mom almost caught them and when they bounced off her hand they went this way"
"Honey, jump now and I'll wait a year before remarrying"

OldHorsetailSnake's Story
"Margaret, is this where he went down?", Alicia asked.

"Yes, right over there," Margaret said. "He said it was an

"Well," Alicia said, "why doesn't Charles throw him the toilet paper?"

Quincy's Story
caption: Bring me the rest of those bags of garbage...theres a good place to throw them over the side here...

Michael's Story
I know I am late but the picture gave me such a vivid storyline...

This would be their biggest endeavor yet.
Jessie and Cindy were in charge of the game board.
Pete was here to record the official decisions. Each space on the game board needed to be photographed and all the dimensions described with the appropriate landmarks.

Space A4 would be this particular rock outclave. The crevice would be a boundary mark.
All the information would be plugged into the computer. That way both teams and spectators could watch a computer simulation of the actual game movements.

This larger than life Stratego board would make an interesting contest. Players would have to take in account normal game strategy and would also have to consider the actual terrain. Once a player committed to a move, the game clock was turned on and the game piece had a specific amount of time to physically make the move. Failure to get there on time forfeited your move.

Jessie was proud of finding exactly the right places to make this the best game ever…

Wilena's Story
My heart went agasped when I saw my son and grandson standing so close to the edge of the rocks. My darling daughter-in-law was saying, "Courtney get over here right now", as she was going off on one of her movie taking adventures. Try as she might Jamie could not get her eldest child to obey her and come back. Keith and Taylor with cameras in hand were getting closer and closer to the edge of the rocks on one side of her and Courtney was going further over the edge to capture yet another photo no one had ever been able to take. Jamie runs to the right trying to save Keith and Taylor, than she runs to the left after her precious daughter. As time passes and Jamie is losing her voice calling out to them she turns around to the right and seeing Courtney coming up a path by where her beloved husband and adventurous son is standing. Keith and Taylor were watching Courtney all along on the path below but poor Jamie was in the middle trying to save all of her family not knowing what was going on. Jamie vowed never to go to Grand Canyon again.

My Story
"Courtney!" Mother Jamie called out, much like Aunt Em in The Wizard of Oz, imploring Dorothy to come inside during the cyclone, with the difference that Courtney usually was the cyclone.

It had been a quiet evening at home, the family in the living room, Daughter Courtney in her bedroom showing her screenplay to a producer she'd picked up somewhere, when a sudden hush magnified the silence. Knowing the ways of slimy, male producers, or at least, suspecting them, Mother Jamie barged into the bedroom to offer marzipan donuts, which Grandma had just made. Grandma had been trying for years to get rid of her attic full of almonds, an E-Bay acquisition that had puzzled them all. "They're worth money!" she'd insisted.

"Courtney's gone! Her monkey, too!" Jamie shouted, expecting the entire company to erupt into a spontaneous posse. Everyone except Grandpa fell asleep.

"Let her go," the elder Quincy offered, looking up from his Illustrated History of Erotic Art, "It was gettin' mighty crowded here, anyways. And please stop hollerin' while I'm a tryin' to concentrate!"

Jamie organized hubby and son into a search party using the horsewhip she carried for disciplinary emergencies. The three of them took off in the family jeep faster than you could say "Autobahn." After cruising up and down the entire state of California Son Taylor wondered why they didn't just call Courtney on her cell phone to find out where she was.

Courtney's recorded voice greeted them: "I'm at the Grand Canyon with a Hollywood producer and can't be disturbed." Jamie's eyes flashed a bright red, the kind in photos without red eye reduction. They lightninged across Death Valley faster than you could shoot a porno film, and careened over to Arizona, braking just in time to prevent the motor from melting.

Once arrived, they glanced about in some confusion before their calls of "Courtney!" were met. They heard a moan. "That was passion!" screamed Jamie. They charged forward and found Courtney, in a lotus position, near the edge, typing away contently on her laptop. "Oh hi," she said, Zen look on her face, serene in the eye of her storm, "I was just adding some scenes to my screenplay." Another moan drew them to the traumatized producer, hanging from the brink of the four thousand foot drop, by one hand, Courtney's pet monkey dancing from side to side, tormenting him with a stick.

Courtney explained with a devious smile: When the producer offered to work out some new bedroom scenes with her, she had decided instead to bring the cliffhanger aspect into her story. The producer's fear was inspiring. It added just the edge she needed to assure an Academy Award for best screenplay.