Monday, June 06, 2005

Family at Grand Canyon

Mushroom's Story
The trip down the waterfall wasn't that harsh, it just seemed frightening at the time. But speaking of time, they had landed in another one. The landscape was rugged and beautiful, in a way that no Homo sapiens sapiens had ever witnessed before because that species hadn't yet been born. This was a lost land that they could call their own.

As prehistoric as it seemed, they didn't have to worry about dinosaurs here, but they did have invisible cats. Huge invisible cats. Or they seemed like cats (they're invisible so it was difficult to say what sort of beast they really were), because they were soft and furry and when stroked they'd purr. Will and Holly had brought their cameras on the trip, and tried to get pictures of their party with the beasts up on the basalt columns they called the Sleestacks, which overlooked what they named rather ironically Dinky Valley. They realized the cats were invisible but at least people could see in the photos that something was there being petted. This didn't convince anyone back home.

Will, Holly, and Marshall made it out of the there by following the river back upstream. The fourth member of the party, Courtney, decided she liked the giant strawberries that grew there and wanted to stay, which lead to her demise -- one of the giant invisible herbivorous cats mistook her (in her favorite red-and-white shirt) for a picnic blanket and had her for lunch. While it was a tragic loss, the photos Will & Holly took of the cat after lunch, engorged with very much visible Courtney chunks and bits of her favorite shirt, did change the minds of their friends and family.

The Alien Guy's Story
These guys were the first Earth visitors to our planet of Shiznit. They had just recently seen a movie called Star Wars and wanted to come up here. But that female Earthling sure fussed a lot! That's why the guy carried the lunch -- he knew that she wouldn't push him off the precipice because they wouldn't have anything to eat later. The younger Earthling wanted to leap and traverse the crevasse to the other rock and get to the berry bush. Those young humans are obsessed with eating! The female in the foreground kept making that hand gesture, or maybe I should say she gesticulated with her hand as if it was a remote control that could tether the others to her will! I was sure glad to see that bunch of sight-seers go!

Jamie Dawn's Story
Keith and Taylor knew that if they didn't obey Jamie Dawn, the powerful Queen over all that moves and breathes, that she would make them become slaves in the mines.
She had commanded them to climb down the steep rocks and pick her some succulent berries. If they succeeded and made it back by sundown, they could serve as foot washers and back massagers in her palace.
They began to plan as to how they could successfully complete the task as she taunted them mercilessly. "No one has ever succeeded, you wretched, worthless mules! You will die like all the others."
For a brief moment, her body guards were distracted by a mountain lion and moved to deal with it. Keith and Taylor grabbed Queen Jamie Dawn and threw her off the edge to her death.
Shocked, the guards did nothing. Then, after a brief moment, they began to celebrate, for they knew now that the kind and lovely Princess Courtney would take the throne.

Ariel's Story
not only did Paul teach history in the local high school, he was a fan of the antiquity. the nation achieved his absolute and exclusive respect was the Spartans. every five year his family gathered the children Anna gave birth to, and went to their own Taygetos in the Grand Canyon to throw the small ones that were bad, ate the ice cream of their siblings, never went to bed in a proper time, stole the lipstick of their mom to draw ugly cats on the hall's clean wall, still pissed in bed or cried too much down with the help of the bigger children. they took sandwiches and cameras and they usually usually had a good time.

Doug's Story
"I think I can see the carkeys!"
"That can't be them, mom almost caught them and when they bounced off her hand they went this way"
"Honey, jump now and I'll wait a year before remarrying"

OldHorsetailSnake's Story
"Margaret, is this where he went down?", Alicia asked.

"Yes, right over there," Margaret said. "He said it was an

"Well," Alicia said, "why doesn't Charles throw him the toilet paper?"

Quincy's Story
caption: Bring me the rest of those bags of garbage...theres a good place to throw them over the side here...

Michael's Story
I know I am late but the picture gave me such a vivid storyline...

This would be their biggest endeavor yet.
Jessie and Cindy were in charge of the game board.
Pete was here to record the official decisions. Each space on the game board needed to be photographed and all the dimensions described with the appropriate landmarks.

Space A4 would be this particular rock outclave. The crevice would be a boundary mark.
All the information would be plugged into the computer. That way both teams and spectators could watch a computer simulation of the actual game movements.

This larger than life Stratego board would make an interesting contest. Players would have to take in account normal game strategy and would also have to consider the actual terrain. Once a player committed to a move, the game clock was turned on and the game piece had a specific amount of time to physically make the move. Failure to get there on time forfeited your move.

Jessie was proud of finding exactly the right places to make this the best game ever…

Wilena's Story
My heart went agasped when I saw my son and grandson standing so close to the edge of the rocks. My darling daughter-in-law was saying, "Courtney get over here right now", as she was going off on one of her movie taking adventures. Try as she might Jamie could not get her eldest child to obey her and come back. Keith and Taylor with cameras in hand were getting closer and closer to the edge of the rocks on one side of her and Courtney was going further over the edge to capture yet another photo no one had ever been able to take. Jamie runs to the right trying to save Keith and Taylor, than she runs to the left after her precious daughter. As time passes and Jamie is losing her voice calling out to them she turns around to the right and seeing Courtney coming up a path by where her beloved husband and adventurous son is standing. Keith and Taylor were watching Courtney all along on the path below but poor Jamie was in the middle trying to save all of her family not knowing what was going on. Jamie vowed never to go to Grand Canyon again.

My Story
"Courtney!" Mother Jamie called out, much like Aunt Em in The Wizard of Oz, imploring Dorothy to come inside during the cyclone, with the difference that Courtney usually was the cyclone.

It had been a quiet evening at home, the family in the living room, Daughter Courtney in her bedroom showing her screenplay to a producer she'd picked up somewhere, when a sudden hush magnified the silence. Knowing the ways of slimy, male producers, or at least, suspecting them, Mother Jamie barged into the bedroom to offer marzipan donuts, which Grandma had just made. Grandma had been trying for years to get rid of her attic full of almonds, an E-Bay acquisition that had puzzled them all. "They're worth money!" she'd insisted.

"Courtney's gone! Her monkey, too!" Jamie shouted, expecting the entire company to erupt into a spontaneous posse. Everyone except Grandpa fell asleep.

"Let her go," the elder Quincy offered, looking up from his Illustrated History of Erotic Art, "It was gettin' mighty crowded here, anyways. And please stop hollerin' while I'm a tryin' to concentrate!"

Jamie organized hubby and son into a search party using the horsewhip she carried for disciplinary emergencies. The three of them took off in the family jeep faster than you could say "Autobahn." After cruising up and down the entire state of California Son Taylor wondered why they didn't just call Courtney on her cell phone to find out where she was.

Courtney's recorded voice greeted them: "I'm at the Grand Canyon with a Hollywood producer and can't be disturbed." Jamie's eyes flashed a bright red, the kind in photos without red eye reduction. They lightninged across Death Valley faster than you could shoot a porno film, and careened over to Arizona, braking just in time to prevent the motor from melting.

Once arrived, they glanced about in some confusion before their calls of "Courtney!" were met. They heard a moan. "That was passion!" screamed Jamie. They charged forward and found Courtney, in a lotus position, near the edge, typing away contently on her laptop. "Oh hi," she said, Zen look on her face, serene in the eye of her storm, "I was just adding some scenes to my screenplay." Another moan drew them to the traumatized producer, hanging from the brink of the four thousand foot drop, by one hand, Courtney's pet monkey dancing from side to side, tormenting him with a stick.

Courtney explained with a devious smile: When the producer offered to work out some new bedroom scenes with her, she had decided instead to bring the cliffhanger aspect into her story. The producer's fear was inspiring. It added just the edge she needed to assure an Academy Award for best screenplay.


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